From yourcousin in the comments column:

PS Malcolm, I've been reading about an elf robbing a lingerie shop. You wouldn't know anything about that would you?

That dire calumny derives from this:

A man accused of a stealing underwear from a shop in a knifepoint raid believed he was a female elf at the time, Belfast Crown Court has heard.

Robert Boyd, 45, from Broadlands in Carrickfergus, is accused of holding up staff at the Orchid shop in Belfast disguised in a wig, hat and glasses.

He told the court he had been involved in a role-playing game at the time, and his character was an elf named Beho.

He denies robbery but says he may have blurred reality and fantasy.

Malcolm was therefore faced with a deputation from Local #1443 of the Elven Host, demanding publication of an immediate retraction. And Malcolm, appreciating who does the work around here, immediately capitulated to the just demands of the downtrodden workers.

This blog-site therefore declares:

• We had no prior knowledge of or involvement in this atrocity.
• We are tough on knicker-nickers, and tough on the causes of knicker-nicking.
• There is no cross-dressing among our elves.
• We have no time for elf-wannabes and elvic fanaticists.
• As a gesture of managerial solidarity, there will be a pay-rise for all elven operatives of one acorn and two sugar cubes a se'ennight, applicable forthwith.
  

So there. And with that accomplished, the Mother-of-the-Chapel drew himself up to his full majestic two-foot-seven-and-half, rustled her bustle, and strode off to report success to his membership. Sphere: Related Content