Showing posts with label Education. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Education. Show all posts

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Parental choice

You don't teach for forty years (at least not in the kind of schools Malcolm did) without knowing there are two types of truly-frightening extreme parenthood:
  • the lot who are likely to beat their child for not excessively over-achieving;
  • the lot who are likely to beat the teacher for not exalting mediocrity or worse as something admirably spectacular.
Sadly, too, between those extremes one can find a dithering mass of incompetence and ignorance, often compensating for their feelings of inadequacy by either spoiling or neglecting, when talking and relating would be ample.

It is axiomatic that schools cannot be separated from the prevailing social climate and conditions, much as government statisticians and league-tablers might demand the opposite.

Which is why the arcane art of "turning a school round" has to involve parents in a big, big way.

Thus Malcolm's superficial observations in reading a nice Op-Ed piece in the Washington Post.

Richard Cohen considers the sad story of Phoebe Prince.

New readers start here:
Phoebe Prince was born in Bedford (that's Bedford, England). At the age of two, she was removed with her parents to Fanore, in the County Clare. Last autumn, at the age of fifteen, she started at South Hadley High School, near Springfield, Massachusetts. As the "new girl" she was on the receiving end of consistent, concerted bullying attacks, involving racism, sexual slurs and a full-blown Facebook campaign. On 14th January this year she was walking home: she had a can thrown at her from a passing car. This was the last straw: she hanged herself in her wardrobe. Even then the Facebook campaign continued.

In the aftermath all kinds of other blame was laid: the school authorities had been informed, and did nothing, the school nurse and counsellors had not acted ...

Last week six named students (four still at the school) were indicted as adults on a range of counts, from two charges of rape, through the usual paraphernalia of civil rights accusations, to harassment and stalking. Three more unnamed students were charged as juveniles.
Now we come back to Richard Cohen's powerful opinion piece. He takes us through much of the above, neatly appending it to William Golding's Lord of the Flies. Then he arrives at the key point:
You will notice that in all the finger-pointing -- the students, the teachers, the administrators -- not a digit is aimed at the parents. Their children are accused of hounding a classmate to death and the parents apparently knew nothing. Not only that, they are somehow not expected to know anything. The teachers are supposed to know what's going on. The principal. Maybe even the school nurse. But the parents? No. They're off the hook.
There is no point in fisking Cohen in detail: go and read the original. It is fair and balanced, and asks of all of us a load of questions we may not all want to consider.

Malcolm. though, sees one sentence worth broadcasting loud and widely:
We fail schools but never parents.
Indeed.

As we go into the UK election campaign, we have Mr Gove's well-intended, but totally useless programme for schools.

In its short form it consists of just four paragraphs, just 233 words.

It indites politicians and bureaucrats. It uses numerous abstract concepts: opportunity, social mobility, accountability, prestige, attainment ... It checks world league tables, standards (thrice), the curriculum (twice), exam(s) (twice), as well as violence, truancy, keep(ing) order. Teacher/ teaching profession get four mentions: children just the one (as know the children's names), and pupils just one.

Spot (as Richard Cohen undoubtedly would) the missing word.

And the final irony?

The Tory education programme is appended to the notion of "Broken Britain", which Mr Gove recommends we mend it in part by:
the kind of reforms that have worked so well in countries like the USA.
For the purposes of Gove's thesis, it is necessary to regard South Hedley as ... where? Sphere: Related Content

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Totally screwed!

In a moment of abject self-pity, reviewing the dismal "statporn" (© Iain Dale) of Malcolm Redfellow's World Service , Malcolm made an even more depressing discovery.

His top "hits" of all-time involved:and
A lexical malfunction

All those hundreds of thousands of well-honed words, dozens of thoughtful postings, the wry comments on the Not so Great and Not so Good: all wasted. The cyber-world wants only an easy laugh and a cheap thrill.

So Malcolm felt a frisson of recognition when he discovered that the iPhone dictionary is equally open to mockery:
The spirit of Thomas Bowdler lives on at Apple. The increasingly bizarre nature of the approval process for the iTunes App Store has reached new levels of eccentricity with the revelation that a dictionary app was blocked because it contained “objectionable content”.
The story is that a developer, Matchstick, submitted an application, Ninjawords, to the iTunes App Store. It was rejected because of "objectionable content".

Yeah, yeah. All the old favourites were there:
Consequently Ninjawords was forced to bowdlerise the dictionary in order to get it onto the Apple devices. The list of omitted words includes ass, snatch, pussy, cock and screw, but Apple still displays a 17+ age rating and the accompanying warning that the app may contain objectionable material.
Well, says Malcolm, I object!

It's all those niggling frustrations that the blue-noses build in.

He remembers first encountering it at Wells, from the Norfolk County Library Service. There comes a moment in a young man's life when he moves on from Biggles, crosses the aisle, and investigates the adult fiction shelves. There he found T.H.White's The Once and Future King. When Malcolm presented this to the issuing desk, he was quizzed as to its suitability, and whether his parents would approve.

The experience was, at the time, unpleasant. In retrospect, it's hard to see any objection to the book (except for White's politics). Yet it had a lasting product -- a continuing fascination for fiction in all forms. That is why, when he hears someone decrying the young modern male's distaste for reading, Malcolm suggests the quickest remedy is to ban the whole corpus of literature for a decade. Then they'll all want some.

Pursuit of the missing couplet

There was the moment, around the age of fifteen, Malcolm was preparing for GCE Eng Lit Those, of course, were the days when, as Michael Gove maintains, exams were truly testing. More to the point, the books studied were real literature: none of yer modern rubbish. From the General Prologue to Chaucer's Canterbury Tales this turned up:
For if a preest be foul, on whom we truste,
No wonder is a lewed man to ruste;

......................................................

......................................................
Wel oghte a preest ensample for to yive,
By his clennesse, how that his sheep sholde lyve.
Today, of course, a quick flick to that hotlinked source will give the missing couplet. In those, pre-electronic days, it involved a hike to a main library or, as Malcolm did it, hoicking after school to Dawson Street, and Hodges Figgis (now a Waterstone's, by any other name, and opposite its original site), to check it out. Forbidden fruit!

And so it goes on.

Today, school networks have to be protected by all kinds of firewalls and safeguards. Since the kids are infinitely more cyber-savvy than the staff and technicians, this rarely works for long.

Such nannying has consequences. For example, it is virtually impossible, in most schools, to access Shakespeare texts. Early on in the download, the built-in Bowdler cuts in and the text cuts out. Did David Blukett know just how filthy and corrupting Romeo and Juliet is, when he approved it for Key Stage 3?

So, how can one teach technology if "screw" is verboten? Sphere: Related Content

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Baaah! ... humbug!

The duties of parenthood

Malcolm evolved a number of diversions for long-distance driving with his (then, much younger) off-spring.
  • He played the famed legs game. Add up the number of legs on each pub sign to a total -- left-hand side of car versus right-hand side. So: the Bull and Butcher = 6 legs; the Carpenter's Arms = 2 legs (that's after a rules review: "It says 'arms' not legs!"). The cruncher was the Queen's Arms (see below):

So, count carefully. Eight lions and one unicorn. Nine fours are 36! Ah!, but it's the Queen's Arms, so it's necessary to add another two for 'Er Nibs! ... But you allowed the Carpenter's Arms for two! So, it's only fair ... Total score: 38! ... Game, set and match! Self-satisfied smugness on one side of the back seat; sulky silence on the other.
Don't knock it. As a piece of automotive child-care (which, after all, is the most extended father-child environment in the modern world) it worked a treat. Result: one accountant and two lawyers. However, the legs game doesn't work much south of Plymouth, or west of Anglesey.
  • Malcolm's "Mr Blob" game. Spot the most circumferentially-challenged individual, and mock him. Awards were made on a regional, national and all-time basis. This game has been subsequently ruled unacceptable under EU anti-sizist regulation.
  • The rat-wagon championship. Claim ("Bags I!") the most rusted, unroadworthy wreck observed on the journey. Points awarded for degree of oxidization, methods of disguising thereof, and -- of course -- corrosion and corrugation. Prime specimens were largely those magnificent well-rotted Citroen HY vans (see right). This activity was particularly useful while cruising along a Rue Nationale at a steady 28 mph behind such a beast. Again, points and prizes awarded on a sessional, daily and trip-wise basis. The all-time champion was recorded at the fish-market in Sète, though an even more worthy observation in Versailles had to be eliminated on the grounds of permanent immobility.
  • Despite that eight-fold discriminator put into Macbeth's mouth by Bill Shakespeare, it is a well-attested fact that all dogs, particularly those seen in France on the end of strings, can be defined (on criteria of size and hirsuteness) as one of just three types: rat, rug or demi-cheval. Precise allocation into each classification can be extended into a minor family disagreement to occupy several kilometres to the next stop.
  • Malcolm claims exclusive authorship of the food-chain invariable. This involves looking out for farm animals and, as the car sweeps passed at main-road speed, insulting them with a prognostication. So, any field of sheep must be greeted with pointed fingers and cries of "Mint sauce!" Unfortunate pigs should be saluted with "Apple sauce!" Anything resembling cattle needs "Yorkshire pud and two veg!" in a rising descant. Extra points and prizes are arbitrarily awarded as a bonus for originality and alternative thinking: hence the cry of "Bells of Saint Clement's!" in passing a flock of French ducks earned an ice-cream, or, soon after a glimpse of geese, the chant of:
Christmas is coming, the geese are getting fat:
Please put a penny in the old man's hat!
If you haven't got a penny, a ha'penny will do;
If you haven't got a ha'penny, God bless you!
  • One whole journey, all six hundred miles, one thousand kilometers, from Calais to the camping grounds of Languedoc, had to be done "in character". The characters were evolved from a tape of Winnie-the-Pooh. So there was the-Lady-in-Malcolm's-Life as Kanga (straight type-casting, there), Malcolm as wise (but misguided) old Wol. One daughter pre-empted the lead-role as Winnie, and the solicitor-to-be saw herself as Eyeore. The future barrister-at-law was, of course, Baby Roo.
In the course of this trip, Malcolm (observing the slow passage of the French paysage) evolved a thesis that all human types could be defined in terms of A.A. Milne's anthropomorphism. As a notion it may not stand on a par with Freud or Jung, but at least it's as valid as those medieval "humours" which occupied elongated hours of study in Malcolm's student years.

Moreover, regarding the subsequent development of his three daughters, the self-chosen character identification was curiously psychologically-prescient.

Come to the point, Malcolm!

Well, this evening's meal involved lamb cutlets.

So, on Redfellow Hovel's dining table was a container of mint sauce. It's Tuesday, for heaven's sake!, so it's straight out of the fridge, still in the jar, onto the table. Yeah, yeah: alongside the brown sauce. So, what d'you wanna make of it? Huh?

Malcolm, reaching around the bottle of (rather nice) light ersatz-Burgundy for the jar, then noticed its USP, which his eye picked out, on a yellow roundel:
Suitable for vegetarians and vegans.
The Pert Young Piece, now the Barrister-at-law (but still "Baby Roo" of two decades ago) observed this. She cast a jaundiced eye, and said:
"Why not? There's always a first time. You never would know."
Sphere: Related Content

Thursday, July 30, 2009

A twattish twit or a twittish twat?

Concerning a great poet, two politicians -- one noble, progressive and thoughtful, the other low, devious and conniving -- and a worthy local benefactor.

Famously, Robert Browning is alleged to have got it wrong, too:
But at night, brother Howlet, far over the woods,
Toll the world to thy chantry;
Sing to the bats’ sleek sisterhoods
Full complines with gallantry:
Then, owls and bats, cowls and twats,
Monks and nuns, in a cloister’s moods,
Adjourn to the oak-stump pantry!
Malcolm has never been fully convinced that wasn't a disingenuous double-bluff by Browning. There always seemed to Malcolm to be a bit too much of the ambiguous Freudian sub-conscious in that bit (night, sisterhoods, gallantry, monks and nuns ... ) to be wholly straight-forward.

Added to which, the entire "plot" of Pippa Passes (which dates from 1841) involves the maidenly young miss skipping unharmed and unmolested through some steamy, seamy bits of the Veneto. Browning may have lived through most of the Victorian period, and thereby forever designated a "Victorian", his mother may have been devout and evangelical, but his father had a large and polyglot library. Large chunks of Pippa Passes are a long way from the innocent, as with ‘Zanze from the Brenta:
I have made her gorge polenta
Till both cheeks are near as bouncing
As her . . . name there’s no pronouncing!
See this heightened colour too—
For she swilled Breganze wine
Till her nose turned deep carmine—
’Twas but white when wild she grew
And only by this Zanze’s eyes
Of which we could not change the size,
The magnitude of what’s achieved
Otherwise, may be perceived!’
Think about that. And it immediately precedes the more-frequently visited quotation above. Very suspicious!

Even so, the Oxford English Dictionary has no qualms in defining Cameron's usage as:
low slang ... A term of vulgar abuse. Cf. TWIT and CUNT.
So, that let's the People's Dave off the hook, does it?

Well, not if we go with the first citation in the OED, from Eric Linklater's Magnus Merriman, which seems to have the boy bang to rights:
He was ... a false hero who flaunted himself in fine colours when he was drunk and dwindled to a shabby twit when sober.
Ah yes, the true, the blushful Bullingdonian.

The other aspect of the OED entry deserves a bit of thought. Elsewhere, the OED has no scruples about defining terms for "the female external genital organs" (which, typically, is a male-chauvinist construct: it may be visually, but hardly gynaecologically correct ). In this entry, there's not even so much help: was the word just too racy for Doctor James Murray?

Curiouser and curiouser, said Alice.
Alice will be gracing us with a personal appearance a bit later on in this posting.
The usual explanation of Browning's usage is that, in the final decade of his life (we are now into the High Victorian age), the Great Man received a letter from the newly-conceived Oxford English Dictionary, and was politely challenged to explain himself.

Doubtless harrumphing a little to be required to think back four decades, Browning came up with a fine excuse -- one that has misled many over the intervening years, and which Malcolm will now correct.

Browning had, he replied, in his youth read seventeenth-century verse in his father's library. A piece from 1659 (Vanity of Vanities or Sir Harry Vanes Picture: To the tune of the Jews Corant) was his particular source. Happily we cyber-searchers can see a copy of this is on-line at U. Penn: indeed, it includes the key couplet:
They talk’t of his having a Cardinall’s Hat;
They’d send him as soon an Old Nun’s Twat.
This, averred Browning, was what had misled him.

A Vane aside

That scurrilous broadside is worth further consideration.

Vane had followed John Pym as leader of the Parliamentarians. He consistently tried to reach accommodations with Charles I. Vane drifted to the radical "Independents", taking positions against the "Presbyterians", mainly in defence of freedom of conscience. He wished to retain a monarchy, and would not vote for the King's execution. He broke with Cromwell over a reform of voting rights and Parliamentary control of the army.

He was, in effect, sent into internal exile at Raby Castle. His further writings (which recapitulated his proposals for electoral reform, including the creation of a Senate) caused him to be identified with the extremist Anabaptists. He was summoned to appear before the Council, refused, was ordered to put up the then-outrageous £5,000 in sureties for his future behaviour, refused again (and was probably incapable of finding such a sum), and was imprisoned at Carisbrooke.

Under Richard Cromwell, "Tumbledown Dick", Vane (right) was back at the centre of politics. By May 1659 (the time of this broadside) he was effectively running the armed services and the treasury.

At first excluded from the Restoration "hit list", the Cavalier Parliament then demanded Vane be tried for High Treason. There was a show trial; and Vane was condemned. Pepys recorded witnessing his speech from the scaffold and his beheading (14 June 1662).

Vane was briefly governor (1636-7) of the Massachusetts Bay Colony. He was responsible for the purchase of Rhode Island, and is thereby the begetter of Harvard. His statue stands on the left as one enters the Boston Public Library.

They'd ςend him as ςoon an Old Nun's Twat

Malcolm find the font cannot do the the original long "s" there. More to the point, he doubts that Browning can have been ignorant of the tone of the broadside. The conceit is that Vane was "holier-than-thou":
The Annointed King of Saints,
who
fell in a T[urd] when aςide he ςtept.
We also hear the target of this crude lampoon:
He durςt not speak of a Concubine
and (work out the implication, here, yourselves -- please!):
He ςhall undergo a notable Swindging, There is no more need of his Engine.
The whole tone is so extreme, so crude, so of the earth, earthy, that a sensitive exponent of language (as Browning most assuredly was) cannot easily have assumed the simplistic here.

Neither was Diddy Dave Cameron quite the innocent in his radio interview. This is a man with considerable PR and media experience. Add to that an Oxford degree of some distinction. Therefore, his assertions of moon-faced ignorance do not wash. It was a cheap shot for a tissue of publicity.

A sweet little Alice bluestocking

We are not in Wonderland, nor yet in Kansas anymore, but in Knott County, Kentucky.

There we find the small town of Pippa Passes:
Population in July 2007: 291.
Males: 56 (19.5%)
Females: 235 (80.5%)

Median resident age: 20.8 years
Kentucky median age: 35.9 years
[Editor: Shurely shome mistake? ... ]

It has this quite astounding demography because it is the seat of Alice Lloyd College, where presumably the male of the species is dormitoried out-of-town, well away from the young ladies.

Malcolm promised the return of Alice. Alice Spencer Geddes Lloyd, a Bostonian --
publisher and editor of The Cambridge Press, the first publication in America with an all-female staff
-- survived until 1962, when she was 100 years old, still at the head of the school she had established on land gifted her by Abisha Johnson.

The community was named
from Browning's poem, because Pippa:
is a little girl who works in the sweat shops of Italy in the mid-19th Century. On her only holiday of the year, she "passes" through the villages of her countryside, singing the now popular refrain:
The year's at the spring,
And day's at the morn;
Morning's at seven;
The hill-side's dew-pearled;
The lark's on the wing;
The snail's on the thorn:
God's in his heaven--
All's right with the world!
Through her song, Pippa inspires troubled lives toward good purposes. The poem reflects "the influence of unconscious good on the world." Service to the community follows this philosophy as it seeks to expand the scope of the total learning experience.
Sphere: Related Content

Wednesday, March 11, 2009


Life, liberty and the happiness of a warm gun?

Our local lunatic scene

A couple of years back Donal Blaney put up a piece on the web. It was the stereotypical juvenile rightist bleat, decrying a Rhode Island school principal's objection to a student choosing to be depicted for the college yearbook complete with body-amrour and weapon:
The humourless principal at Portsmouth High School, Robert Littlefield, has said that the flagrant wielding of a potentially dangerous weapon was a clear violation of school regulations...

What is truly dangerous are the attitudes and actions of men such as Patrick's headteacher, Robert Littlefield. Their zeal in curtailing the rights of otherwise law-abiding people highlights the very worst in the human condition.

It is not Patrick's High School graduation photo that should be removed from his yearbook - it is Robert Littlefield who should be removed from Portsmouth High School and attitudes such as his that should be removed from America's classrooms.
As we all expected, buried in the text is that unoriginal expression:
Surely this is yet another example of political correctness gone mad...
Blaney is, of course, the epitome of the self-regarding "libertarian" Young Tory who cites Enoch Powell on racial topics. Others speak nearly as well of him ("hypocrite, political whore and torture fan") as he does of himself.

Guilty by unfortunate association

The site which gave Blaney space was the alternative mouthpiece of Tim Montgomerie of ConservativeHome. Then it ran under the title of "Britain and America"; last year it was reborn as "America in the World", launched by David Cameron, and puffed by the Daily Telegraph and by saturnine Harry Phibbs (so no conflict of interest there) in the Daily Mail .

The whole libertarian lot seem fixated on guns:
... the argument about guns is still worth having, and the libertarian case about it is still worth putting, if only as part of spreading libertarianism generally. Just because gun laws aren't about to be relaxed, that doesn't mean they shouldn't be. Whatever the crime rate, relaxing the gun laws would lower it, and not to relax them is wrong, stupid and cruel, to the real victims of crime, namely the victims of crime.
And, as surely as darkest night follows bright, shining morning, the irksome Sean Gabb:
As the old saying goes: "God made men equal, and Smith and Wesson make damn sure it stays that way."

... can you seriously agree with the argument that you should be disarmed, and therefore powerless to defend yourself and your loved ones against the armed street trash who are beginning to turn this country upside down?
The wider world

Today, hearing from Winnenden and Alabama, we await to hear from the likes of these pundits why giving the disturbed guns, that they may shoot up the neighbourhood, and schools in particular, is a good thing.

So, in the meantime, let's have the scorecard for previous school and college shootings (only after painstaking effort, compiling this list, did Malcolm discover a more complete one of all shootings, fatal and less so, though not up-to-date):
  • Barry Loukaitis, Moses Lake, WA; 2 Feb 1996: 3 dead;
  • Thomas Hamilton, Dunblane, Scotland; 13 March 1996: 18 dead;
  • Evan Ramsey, Bethel, AK; 19 Feb 1997: 3 dead;
  • Mohammed Ahman al-Naziri, Sanna, Yemen; March 1997: 8 dead;
  • Luke Woodham, Pear, MS; 1 Oct 1997: 3 dead;
  • Michael Carneal, West Padukah, KY; 1 Dec 1997: 3 dead;
  • Johnson and Golden, Jonesboro, AK; 24 March 1998: 5 dead;
  • Andrew Wurst, Edinboro, PA; 24 April 1994: one dead;
  • Jacob Davis, Fayetteville, TN; 19 May 1998: one dead;
  • Kip Kinkel, Springfield, OR; 21 May 1998: 4 dead;
  • Harris and Klebold, Littleton, CO; 20 April 1999: 15 dead;
  • [Unknown], Taber, Alberta; 28 April, 1999: one dead;
  • Victor Cordova, Deming, NM; 19 Nov 1999: one dead;
  • An unnamed six-year-old, Flint, MI; Leap Year's Day 2000: one dead;
  • [Unknown], Branneberg, Germany; March 2000: one dead, one brain-dead;
  • Darell Ingram, Savannah, GA; 10 March 2000: two dead;
  • Nate Brazall, Lake Worth, FL; 26 May 2000: one dead;
  • [Unknown], Baltimore, MD; 17 January 2001: one dead;
  • [Unknown], Jan, Sweden, 18 Jan 2001: one dead;
  • Charles Williams, Santee, CA; 5 March 2001: two dead;
  • Donald Burt, Gary, IN; 30 March 2001: one dead;
  • Chris Buschbacher, Cary, MN; 12 Nov 2001: one dead (the gunman, after taking two hostages);
  • [Unkown], Freising, Germany; 19 Feb 2002; four dead;
  • Robert Steinhaeuser, Erfurt, Germany; 26 April 2002: 17 dead;
  • Dragoslav Petkovic, Vlasenica, Bosnia-Herzegovina; 29 April 2002: two dead;
  • Robert Flores, Tucson, AZ; 28 Oct 2002: four dead;
  • Four teenagers, New Orleans, LA; 14 April 2003: one dead;
  • James Sheets, Red Lion, PA; 24 April 2003: two dead;
  • John McLaughlin, Cold Spring, MN; 24 Sept 2003: two dead;
  • "Raphael", Carmen de Patagones, Argentina; 28 Sep 2004: three dead;
  • Jeff Weise, Red Lake, MN; 21 Mar 2005: 10 dead;
  • [Unknown], Jacksboro, TN; 8 Nov 2005: one dead;
  • Christopher Williams, Essex, VT; 24 Aug 2006: two dead;
  • Kimveer Gill, Montreal, Canada; 13 Sep 2006: two dead;
  • [Unknown], Bailey, CO; 27 Sep 2006; two dead;
  • [Unknown], Cazenovia, WI; 29 Sep 2006; one dead;
  • Charles Roberts, Nickel Mines, PA; 3 Oct 2006; six dead;
  • Cho Seung-Hui, Blacksburg, VA; 16 April 2007; 33 dead (the current US record);
  • Asa Coon, Cleveland, OH; 10 Oct 2007; one dead;
  • [Unknown], Tuusula, Finland; 7 Nov 2007; 9 dead;
  • [Unknown], Baton Rouge, LA; 8 Feb 2008; three dead;
  • Stephen Kazmierczak, DeKalb, IL; 14 Feb 2008; six dead;
  • [Unknown], Kauhajoki, Finland; 23 Sep 2008; ten dead;
  • [Unknown], Fort Lauderdale, FL; 12 Nov 2008; one dead.
To which we can now add:
  • Tim Kretschmer, Winnenden, Baden-Wurttenberg; 11 Mar 2009; at least sixteen.
Now, wait for it!

True libertarians, at least those who have graduated from effort of colouring-in their Margaret Thatcher and Ronnie Reagan biogs-for-teenies, will have their bedside Ayn Rand book-marked with at least a .38 LadySmith.

Expect a further outburst of their all-purpose solution: armed teachers. Sphere: Related Content

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

That colossal wreck

One poem that's worth every effort, is unfailingly in any anthology, is badly taught (or was: the dumbed-down National Curriculum rendered such study irrelevant), and so passes over the head of most students, has to be:
I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said: "Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them on the sand,
Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown
And wrinkled lip and sneer of cold command
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,

The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed.
And on the pedestal these words appear:
"My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings:
Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!"
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare,
The lone and level sands stretch far away.
Shelley's sonnet was a spear-carrier behind David Aaronovitch's holiday soliloquy for the Times last Saturday:
Nowhere offers as much to the ruin-lover as does Turkey. From the Armenian churches and graveyards to the relics of the empire of Seleucus, the kingdoms of the Hellenistic era, the remnants of the civilisation of Midas, the Ottomans, Venetians, Crusaders, Hittites, Romans, the scattered reminders of strange sects and powerful religions, the almost unvisited yet complete Greek hill towns, it lies all around the visitor, requiring only his or her curiosity.

But almost anywhere will do. A stone in a wood, a piece of tile swept by a 1950s flood towards the banks of the Severn, an old brick wall, the shadow of a Victorian advertisement on a gable, these are sufficient. It is all, as Shelley put it in Ozymandias, “a shatter'd visage”, a reminder of the end of things, and - because we are there to find it - of their continuation.

And there is something else - about our own mortality and what we leave behind us. Shelley's Ozymandias was written in 1817 as part of a sonnet-composing session with the mostly forgotten poet Horace Smith.
He then quotes the sestet from Smith (of that, more in a moment).

Whichever beak at William Ellis imposed Ozy upon Aaronovitch left a permanent mark, for it appeared previously, when Aaonovitch had the decency to associate with the better class of journos of the Farringdon Road:
It was a strange thing to wake up early on Sunday morning, and see the first light catch, not the tip of the wife's alabaster nose, but the gigantic brown cheek of Pharoah Amenophis III. Further down the hall, under the arm of another Ozymandias, three small boys lay like caterpillars in their sleeping bags, while opposite me a dad snored immensely, stretched out next to a basalt clerk from a later dynasty.

I've been doing this for the past couple of years, bringing a child or two to the sleepovers organised by the Young Friends of the British Museum. Late at night when the visitors are all long gone, 150 or so of us make masks, listen to stories, or dance among the sarcophagi and statues. On my second visit a friend of my daughter's (a real London boy) celebrated our privileged access to the Greek gods by bringing along a metal tape measure, and ostentatiously measuring all the marble penises he could find. Different aspects of the past affect people in different ways.
That's a piece, by the way, which develops into the pillage of the Baghdad museums.

Until last Saturday, Malcolm wotted not of "the mostly forgotten poet Horace Smith". So, inspired by Aaronovitch's hint, he went looking and found (original spelling) -- and liked:
In Egypt's sandy silence, all alone,
Stands a gigantic Leg, which far off throws
The only shadow that the Desart knows:—
"I am great OZYMANDIAS," saith the stone,
"The King of Kings; this mighty City shows
"The wonders of my hand."— The City's gone,—
Nought but the Leg remaining to disclose
The site of this forgotten Babylon.

We wonder,—and some Hunter may express
Wonder like ours, when thro' the wilderness
Where London stood, holding the Wolf in chace,
He meets some fragment huge, and stops to guess
What powerful but unrecorded race
Once dwelt in that annihilated place.
The story so far

The original idea is derived from a Greek "historical library" by Diodorus of Sicily (90-21 BC). "Ozymandias" is the name Greeks used for Ramses II. Shelley and Smith wrote their poems in competition (the Shelleys seemed to make a thing about such contests: that's supposedly how Frankenstein was drafted). Shelley and Smith both had their sonnets published in Leigh Hunt's The Examiner (issues of January 11 and February 1, 1818).

And that's about it. One poet, and poem prospered and became universal. The other, unfairly on this evidence, lapsed into obscurity:
If you can look into the seeds of time,
And say which grain will grow and which will not,
Speak then to me, who neither beg nor fear
Your favours nor your hate. ...
We've all done it

We stood and looked and wondered, and muttered that tag from Shelley.

Malcolm finds himself doing so, as Aaronovitch's second paragraph nicely describes, and perhaps more so at modern, rather than antique ruins. It is part of us, and (in Aaronovitch's neat word) of our "continuation" -- and, implicitly, the anticipation of our own demise.

Ancient decrepitude is explicable: we all accept the ravages of time (though the megalomania of a Ramses or a Nero deserves special scorn). Our own times have produced enough plangent shatter'd visages. There's all those bits of Fritz Todt's Westwall lying around, for a start, memorialising those who built them, and who had no "continuation".

The site of this forgotten Babylon

Some years back, Malcolm led a family trek through the southern skirts of Nürnberg to find the Zeppelinfeld.

There, too, was Speer's unfinished Congress Hall, where the Nazi Party were to assemble to be berated by the Fűhrer. It was, when Malcolm visited, the municipal store yard and dump.

There was only one other visiting car that day, another British couple. Surprising that? Or not? As Malcolm and his family came through the entrance tunnel, someone, somewhere tipped a load of rubble. The echo was an uncomfortable half-echo from a Leni Riefenstahl sound-track. Flesh crawled. Older spines shivered. Ozymandias was only barely appropriate.

What powerful but unrecorded race
Once dwelt in that annihilated place.


Malcolm experienced this, most painfully, at the Fulton Street viewing platform, overlooking Ground Zero (how many using that term recognise the irony of a reference to Hiroshima?)

But it does not have to be so epic, so epochal, so apocalyptic as that.

We often hit on a marvel of recent vintage, as Aaronovitch noted. It is now neglected or declining into decay or being trashed for something new. We are, indeed, all of us different to Ozymandias only in the scale of arrogance and presumption. Let's count in here the dying months of the old Wembley. The dereliction of industrial Britain, steelyards and garden sheds: north Sheffield, anyone? Those dead steam behemoths, lined up, rusting, redundant and on the way to scrap (see right). That motor-cycle, forever idle at the back of the garage, passed on from a younger Malcolm.

A dominie reminisces

Smith's sonnet, though, prompts Malcolm to remember even "difficult" classes would respond to particular short stories. One that worked repeatedly was Arthur C. Clarke's The Forgotten Enemy.

After a sudden climate change, northern Europe becomes uninhabitably cold. Professor Millward, alone, remains in London, camped in the Senate House tower of London University, among the books to which he had dedicated his life:
Three hundred feet below, the broken sea of snow-covered roofs lay bathed in the bitter moonlight. Miles away the tall stacks of Battersea Power Station glimmered like thin white ghosts against the night sky. Now that the dome of St. Paul's had collapsed beneath the weight of snow, they alone challenged his supremacy.
After a couple of decades, he starts hearing thunder, then:
the cry of a wolf from somewhere in the direction of Hyde Park.
Did Clarke recall Smith's sonnet from Huish's Grammar School?
By the end of the week he knew that the animals of the north were on the move. Once he saw a reindeer running southward, pursued by a pack of silent wolves, and sometimes in the night there were sounds of deadly conflict. He was amazed that so much life still existed in the white wilderness between London and the Pole. Now something was driving it southward, and the knowledge brought him a mounting excitement. He did not believe that these fierce survivors would flee from anything save Man.
This , of course, is only the momentary lessening of dramatic tension before the climatic conclusion:
As a watcher from the walls of some threatened fortress might have seen the first sunlight glinting on the spears of an advancing army, so in that moment Professor Millward knew the truth. The air was crystal-clear, and the hills were sharp and brilliant against the cold blue of the sky. They had lost almost all their snow. Once he would have rejoiced at that, but it meant nothing now.

Overnight, the enemy he had forgotten had conquered the last defences and was preparing for the final onslaught. As he saw that deadly glitter along the crest of the doomed hills, Professor Millward understood at last the sound he had heard ad-vancing for so many months. It was little wonder he had dreamed of mountains on the march.

Out of the north, their ancient home, returning in triumph to the lands they had once possessed, the glaciers had come again.
That appeared in 1949, likely to have derived in part from experiencing the horrendous winter of 1946-7. Of course, in the aftermath of the War, dystopias were the norm. Clarke predates The Day After Tomorrow by a full half-century (though, the last time Malcolm used the story, that connexion was shrewdly proposed by the anorectal agony in the back-row).

For the full effect, though, of Smith's image, we need another visual.

Now what comes to mind? Ah! yes!



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Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Of wallies and ding-bats

Yesterday the media found time and space to froth about the Howard School in Rainham, Kent:
A secondary school has apologised after a confidential report book which called pupils names like "ding bat" and "wally" was found lying in a street.

The booklet, produced by The Howard School for boys, in Rainham, Kent, carried a specific message on its front page - "Do not leave lying around".

Well, you wouldn't want that "lying around", would you? Mega-embarrassment. Some aggrieved parents looking for (financial) retribution, one expects. Several young souls with instant added playground kudos, one does not doubt.

Yet...

Every school, probably every place of employment and many places of leisure would use similar shorthands. So it's more a case of "bloody loony, as we professionals say". Which, in his decades of teaching, Malcolm frequently did. As did the GP whose annotation "NFN" against his patients indicated "normal for Norfolk", and spawned an industry, a book, a comedy routine, and a film.

At bottom, the use of such devices amounts on one level to professional code, and on another to a mechanism for coping with the pressures of an up-close-and-personal job. It is efficient communication: there are precise distinctions between "drongo" and "dingbat", "dim" and "dozy". A similar, more verbose, code appears in Ofsted's definition of the Howard School:
The Howard has a combined (bilateral) entry: the vast majority of the pupils do not qualify for a grammar school place; about four per cent do. On entry pupils' attainment is about average... About a quarter of its pupils have special educational needs, more than in most schools. Pupils come from areas with lower levels of financial difficulty than most, but with fewer families who have benefited from higher education. Slightly more pupils than usual have a home language that is not English. The school supports a small number of pupils at an early stage of English fluency and also a small number of vulnerable pupils.
Ofsted's clincher, enough to frighten any in-two-minds applicant for a post, is:
The school no longer has serious weaknesses.
Those very journos who ridicule or traduce the Howard School will then happily turn and use similar derogatives for their colleagues, bosses and readers (doubters should try the urbandictionary).

Then there's the Paul Flynn version of the well-known story:
One Tory MP had a dangerous surgery habit.

As an aide memoir he appended brief personal descriptions of the constituents who attended his surgery. The notes were useful in tying in the person to the complaint when replies came weeks later. He could remember ‘tall man with beard’, or ‘slim women with red hair.’

In his absence his secretary drafted an urgent reply that had arrived. She had difficulty deciphering the MPs notes and deciding what the women’s name was.

She was concerned that the note was unclear and the name unusual. But the matter was important urgent and a reply was sent clearly addressed : Dear Mrs Horseface,
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